One Year

It's been a year since I started writing here. I can't say that I've ever seen a year go by so quickly! And, beyond that, so much has changed.

When I started writing here, I was a brand-spanking-new EMT (not that I'm a veteran now). I had literally gotten my license in the mail five days before I started writing. Now, I had been a driver for about a year before that, so I wasn't completely green.

I was entering my sophomore year of college with high expectations that would later be let down, but hey, that's okay! I was 18 years old, and I was looking to save some lives.

Now, I'm nineteen, entering my junior year, and I have even higher expectations. I've saved some lives. It's been amazing. But, I've seen some lives lost, some lives made difficult, and had some lives truly touch mine. I've been angry, I've been hurt, I've been really depressed. I've laughed, I've felt the high that comes with a great call. I've held patients' hands, sung to them, held them in my arms, and fought back tears while with them.

In this year, I've realized that my life's calling is in EMS. I am meant to be a firefighter and a paramedic, and I plan on doing a damned good job. I've decided to pursue a career in creative writing as well, hoping that the two will mesh well. I'm picking out grad schools that have the degree I hope to attain, and I've planned my life out more clearly that I thought was possible. I know that man plans and God laughs, but it doesn't hurt to be as prepared as one can be.

In this year, I've gone from being this brand-new EMT to an ER employee. I've started IVs, been asked if I'll teach others how to start them, gone in on traumas I never thought I'd see, and held way too many screaming children. I've left that hospital feeling like I've made a difference, or feeling like nothing I do will ever be enough.

In this year, I've learned a lot about humanity. I've learned about cruelty, honesty, love. I've changed lives, and I've had mine changed.

It wasn't just patients that changed me. Coworkers taught me more about myself. Drew and Eric...wow. I don't even know where to start with them. They mean so much to me; I am not sure that I can properly put it into words. I'd be cheating them if I tried.

Chris, and all the other paid staff who helped precept me taught me what I know about EMS. Obviously, my amazing EMT instructor taught me a lot, but they taught me "the street," if you will. I realize I work in ruraltown, USA, but we still have a "street!" Regardless, they taught me what it was to provide care. Splinting an ankle? You don't have to break out the frac-pack...just get a pillow and some cravats! Calling in a report? Don't let it freak you out; just breathe and tell them what you see and what you've done. I've picked up nuances from them, pet-peeves, and idiosyncrasies that I'll have for the rest of my EMS career.

My life has been really changed, however odd this may sound, by those of you who read my blog. I have had the opportunity to become friends with some truly amazing people. Epi, Witness, Kyle...thank you. Thank you for being there to talk to. Thank you for laughing with me, for understanding, for reminding me that I'm human when emotions hit me the hardest. You may not be in my life forever (I hope you are!), but I will never forget the kindness you have shown me.

Sam has become less of an idea and more of a reality. Writing about her has become less of an experiment in my major and more of an undeniable part of my life--a part of me. I've find myself become more of a Sam and less of a Samantha this past year, which I love so much.

It sounds silly for me to be writing all of this, but I don't think I can really explain what this blog, the people I've come to know through it, and the people in my EMS family mean. I've done the best I can, but I know it's not enough.

So, case in point. Thank you so much for reading, commenting, emailing, IMing. You're amazing. I didn't know how long I'd do this when I started, because I didn't think anyone would read. But you all...wow. You encourage me to write like it's your job.

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Here's to another year.

Take care out there,
Sam