The phone buzzing brings me out of my mid-day nap, angrily.
"Drew. He can wait." I put the phone down and roll back over sleepily, hoping I can go back to my dreams.
As I'm twitching into sleep, the phone vibrates itself off my side-table, and I reach around looking for it with my hand.
"Hello?"
"Sam? Are you okay?"
"Yeah, Mom, why?"
"I got a text from your school saying that there was a tornado warning and then I heard about it on the news. Didn't you get it?"
"No, I was sleeping."
"I don't want you to be in your apartment--it's not a good place for you. Can you try to find somewhere safe?"
"Yeah." I open my blinds and am shocked to see the trees bending dangerously as the rain comes down in sheets. How did this happen? When I went to bed, it was just a little cloudy.
"Keep in touch, okay?"
"Will do, thanks for calling." As I hang up, I see I have a voicemail, along with three other missed calls. I dial my voicemail and listen as a frantic Drew starts speaking.
"Sam, it's Drew. Eric, Andrew and I are going to the station. There's been a tornado, the hospital got hit--there's major damage. We need you to come. Please call me back."
I've never heard him like this. I jump out of bed and change hastily. I grab my BDUs and throw them on quickly, haphazardly tying my boots as I stumble into the living room.
"Liv, I'm going to the station. The tornado hit the hospital, Drew says there's major damage."
She looks at me, the shock apparent in her eyes. We turn on the news and the streaming feed of our dispatch simultaneously. The radio chatters endlessly, and the news flashes warnings on the screen as pictures of the tornado are shown repeatedly. I wait for the rain to stop, and then I head out to my car.
The drive out is relatively uneventful, and I thank whoever is listening for letting me arrive safely.
As I step out of my car, I realize that there is only one of the five medics still in the bay. I check the run board and see that the other four are in the county that got hit, doing back-fill for their crews.
"How long are you here?" I turn and find my chief standing over my shoulder.
"As long as you need me, sir, I don't have class tomorrow."
"We'll take the help, Sam."
"Yes, sir, glad to be of service."
The radio never stops. One engine is back in service, another is on its way out. One medic makes it to the hospital as another makes it to its stand-by location. Emergency management marks up every other minute, updating central on something new. I'm tired just listening to it.
"One of the girls doing back-fill has class tomorrow. Mind taking the zone to meet her so she can go home?"
"No problem chief, I'm on my way."
Driving to the other station, I take note of what's around me. There's an abandoned car on the side of the road, a few downed trees and lots of debris. I pass two more cars and the hairs stand up on the back of my neck.
The station is packed. Firefighters and EMTs are scattered around, and I feel out of place. A few people nod to me, and I reciprocate awkwardly as I wander around their station.
"Hey Sam, you're just in time." I look around and see Eric standing against the medic.
"In time for what?"
"Time for us to leave. We're clear." He points over his shoulder, and I notice their medic returning.
"Ugh, I mean, this is good, but it's frustrating."
"Why?"
"I feel like I'm not doing anything." He shrugs, and I climb in the cab with a sigh. We head home, and I climb into bed tiredly. I curl up under my blanket and try to ignore the branches scraping against the window next to my bunk.
I sleep fitfully all night, dreaming of my apartment, tornadoes, and my partners. I awake early the next morning to the jarring sounds of a call going out.
4.30.2008
Self-Efficacy
I failed my lift test.
Failing because:
My left hand grip-strength was 65. Needed to be 70.
I can do two bicep curls at 40lbs, not 5.
I cannot walk 15 feet after having dead-lifted my body weight. (I can, however, walk 3 feet)
But I can do everything else. Woooo.
"How much do you weigh?"
"I don't know, roughly 125, 130?"
"That's unfortunate."
"Why?"
"Because you'll be carrying your own body weight in this box."
So, it looks like I'll be hitting the gym every single day this week, working on grip strength when I'm not using my hands, and praying to the EMS Gods that I pass this next lift test May 8th. I cannot fail. I need this job--I want this job. I'm not letting 3 bicep curls, 11 feet and some weird grip test stand in between me and this job. Simply not going to happen.
"...'Self-efficacy,' [is] the unshakable belief some people have that they have what it takes to succeed." (from an article in The Wall Street Journal)
I'll keep you updated, I'm sure.
A multi-part post is coming regarding the tornado of earlier this week. I'll write that in between class, the gym, homework, rescue squad, and studying. "Free time," if you will.
Yours,
Sam
Failing because:
My left hand grip-strength was 65. Needed to be 70.
I can do two bicep curls at 40lbs, not 5.
I cannot walk 15 feet after having dead-lifted my body weight. (I can, however, walk 3 feet)
But I can do everything else. Woooo.
"How much do you weigh?"
"I don't know, roughly 125, 130?"
"That's unfortunate."
"Why?"
"Because you'll be carrying your own body weight in this box."
So, it looks like I'll be hitting the gym every single day this week, working on grip strength when I'm not using my hands, and praying to the EMS Gods that I pass this next lift test May 8th. I cannot fail. I need this job--I want this job. I'm not letting 3 bicep curls, 11 feet and some weird grip test stand in between me and this job. Simply not going to happen.
"...'Self-efficacy,' [is] the unshakable belief some people have that they have what it takes to succeed." (from an article in The Wall Street Journal)
I'll keep you updated, I'm sure.
A multi-part post is coming regarding the tornado of earlier this week. I'll write that in between class, the gym, homework, rescue squad, and studying. "Free time," if you will.
Yours,
Sam
4.28.2008
Tornadoes
Three tornadoes touched down in Virginia today, one in Suffolk. This tornado destroyed something like 13 houses, 1 strip mall, and damaged one of the hospitals that I transport to on a regular basis.
I'm at the station tonight, hoping to do some back-fill for Suffolk so as to relieve them. Please keep the 200-something injured people and their families in your thoughts and prayers, and the emergency workers who will be tirelessly keeping our counties safe.
The hospital with the tornado behind it.
I'll probably be writing all night if stuff really starts to happen.
Stay safe out there,
Sam
I'm at the station tonight, hoping to do some back-fill for Suffolk so as to relieve them. Please keep the 200-something injured people and their families in your thoughts and prayers, and the emergency workers who will be tirelessly keeping our counties safe.
I'll probably be writing all night if stuff really starts to happen.
Stay safe out there,
Sam
Decisions
Chris gave me a pretty cool prompt idea based off of a post that he wrote. "Write about an important decision you have made in your life, but go back as far into why you made this decision, and what affected it as you can." I've been giving this some thought, so here is my first stab at it--there might be more in the future.
(Note: This is going in reverse chronological order, ending with the decision. I'm sure you can figure that out, but I just wanted to make sure to clarify!)
"We're going to live together," Drew says laughing as he shakes his head.
"You and me," I ask with a raised eyebrow.
"Yeah us, you weirdo. When we're in recruit school, we'll get an apartment or a town house, and we'll split rent. You can't complain about any loud noises when I bring girls home though." I roll my eyes at him and he winks good naturedly.
"Alright, fine, but what makes you think that I want to live with you?" He looks himself over, smiling a little as he does.
"Come on, Sam, I'm like...priceless. Girls will envy you. Guys will be jealous. Besides, it's my duty to take care of you." I punch him in the arm and he laughs.
"I don't need anyone to take care of me." Rubbing his arm, he nods.
"Yeah, that much is apparent. We're getting a dog."
"Fine," I say, essentially resigned to the idea of us being roommates, "but it has to be a big dog. I don't want any wimpy dogs in my house."
"See, now that's why we'll be great living together! Small dogs suck!"
-------------------
"But you're a girl," the kid says to me with a twisted face, "girls can't be firefighters."
-------------------
"You can still write," my mom says.
"Doubtful--when will I have time!?"
"You make time now, you'll make time then. You're a great writer. Don't give up that passion."
-------------------
It hits me like a ton of bricks. All of a sudden, I feel my chest grow tight, and I feel a little bit dizzy.
Oh God...what am I thinking?
I'm pretty sure I don't want to be a high school English teacher anymore, and it scares me to death. What about my major? What about my dreams of inspiring students to write and embrace literature just like my favorite teacher had done for me? I sit down and pull out my phone, texting Drew.
"I need your advice," it reads, and as I send it I think how monumentally important this might be.
I've wanted to be other things in the past--Pediatric Radiation Oncologist, Trauma Surgeon, Forensic Scientist, Obstetrician; deciding on a new career path is nothing new for me.
My dad always joked that I'd never be an English teacher. "You have a scientific mind, Sam," he'd say after I asked a question like whether or not we could be sure that we were seeing the same colors or experiencing the same things. I asked him why we could recall smells and tastes, but not the sensation of hot or cold if we weren't currently feeling it. "Good question--maybe you should be the one to figure that out."
He and I both knew that I'd never be happy unless I was doing something sciency; I guess I was just in denial.
-------------------
Where is the mail, where is the mail!?
I know it's coming. I know I passed. I'm going to be an EMT; I'm going to save someone's life.
-------------------
"You have to take your position very seriously," my EMT instructor says. "You have to learn everything you can and do the best that you can--every time, no excuses." I nod my head as we eat the meal her partners prepared for us.
Running on the ambulance with her has been the coolest thing ever. I feel like a real EMT, a real provider. I get to put my skills to use and suddenly everything I've learned matters.
"I really love this stuff," I say as I shovel down some pasta.
"No kidding. You're the best I've ever had in one of my classes." I look up at her and roll my eyes. She laughs, because we both know that this is the first class she's ever taught.
"Gee, thanks," I add, laughing.
"But really, Sam. You have this natural zest and love of EMS, and you're good at it. You know the information, and you aren't street-stupid. You ever think of going career?"
"I...not really."
"It's hard being a woman and trying to prove it to these guys that you can do it; but there's no feeling like it when you succeed. I know you can do it if you put your mind to it."
-------------------
I am taken to meet my lieutenant, a tall and skinny man in his thirties who appears to have had too much caffeine. He introduces himself to me as Alex Andrews; I calmly hold out my hand and say, "My name is Sam," plain and simple.
-------------------
Enrolling in my University, I am invited into the Leadership program.
"What can you bring to this program?"
"A desire to help people."
"How do you plan to help people?"
"I'm not sure yet, but I know that I will."
-------------------
I'm five years old, and my mom and I find a dead bird as she walks me to my first-grade class room. I cry when I realize there's nothing I can do to save it.
"But what about its mommy and its daddy and its friends," I ask my mom with tears spilling out of my big brown eyes. I'm only five, but I know that she doesn't have the answers.
"Do you want to have a funeral for it?"
"No, I want it to be alive!"
"Well honey, there's nothing we can do for it now." I sniffle and wipe my nose with my sleeve.
"I want to have a funeral for it."
And after we bury it in the ground behind the playground, I put a flower on top of it and say, "I didn't know you, but I'm sure you were a good bird. I hope you have fun in bird heaven, and I promise that I won't let any other birdies die if I can help it."
When I return to class, I draw in my journal. There's a dead bird in the ground, but next to it is me in my new bird hospital. There are birds all around, and they're thanking me for saving their lives.
-------------------
I'm going to be a firefighter/paramedic.
(Note: This is going in reverse chronological order, ending with the decision. I'm sure you can figure that out, but I just wanted to make sure to clarify!)
"We're going to live together," Drew says laughing as he shakes his head.
"You and me," I ask with a raised eyebrow.
"Yeah us, you weirdo. When we're in recruit school, we'll get an apartment or a town house, and we'll split rent. You can't complain about any loud noises when I bring girls home though." I roll my eyes at him and he winks good naturedly.
"Alright, fine, but what makes you think that I want to live with you?" He looks himself over, smiling a little as he does.
"Come on, Sam, I'm like...priceless. Girls will envy you. Guys will be jealous. Besides, it's my duty to take care of you." I punch him in the arm and he laughs.
"I don't need anyone to take care of me." Rubbing his arm, he nods.
"Yeah, that much is apparent. We're getting a dog."
"Fine," I say, essentially resigned to the idea of us being roommates, "but it has to be a big dog. I don't want any wimpy dogs in my house."
"See, now that's why we'll be great living together! Small dogs suck!"
-------------------
"But you're a girl," the kid says to me with a twisted face, "girls can't be firefighters."
-------------------
"You can still write," my mom says.
"Doubtful--when will I have time!?"
"You make time now, you'll make time then. You're a great writer. Don't give up that passion."
-------------------
It hits me like a ton of bricks. All of a sudden, I feel my chest grow tight, and I feel a little bit dizzy.
Oh God...what am I thinking?
I'm pretty sure I don't want to be a high school English teacher anymore, and it scares me to death. What about my major? What about my dreams of inspiring students to write and embrace literature just like my favorite teacher had done for me? I sit down and pull out my phone, texting Drew.
"I need your advice," it reads, and as I send it I think how monumentally important this might be.
I've wanted to be other things in the past--Pediatric Radiation Oncologist, Trauma Surgeon, Forensic Scientist, Obstetrician; deciding on a new career path is nothing new for me.
My dad always joked that I'd never be an English teacher. "You have a scientific mind, Sam," he'd say after I asked a question like whether or not we could be sure that we were seeing the same colors or experiencing the same things. I asked him why we could recall smells and tastes, but not the sensation of hot or cold if we weren't currently feeling it. "Good question--maybe you should be the one to figure that out."
He and I both knew that I'd never be happy unless I was doing something sciency; I guess I was just in denial.
-------------------
Where is the mail, where is the mail!?
I know it's coming. I know I passed. I'm going to be an EMT; I'm going to save someone's life.
-------------------
"You have to take your position very seriously," my EMT instructor says. "You have to learn everything you can and do the best that you can--every time, no excuses." I nod my head as we eat the meal her partners prepared for us.
Running on the ambulance with her has been the coolest thing ever. I feel like a real EMT, a real provider. I get to put my skills to use and suddenly everything I've learned matters.
"I really love this stuff," I say as I shovel down some pasta.
"No kidding. You're the best I've ever had in one of my classes." I look up at her and roll my eyes. She laughs, because we both know that this is the first class she's ever taught.
"Gee, thanks," I add, laughing.
"But really, Sam. You have this natural zest and love of EMS, and you're good at it. You know the information, and you aren't street-stupid. You ever think of going career?"
"I...not really."
"It's hard being a woman and trying to prove it to these guys that you can do it; but there's no feeling like it when you succeed. I know you can do it if you put your mind to it."
-------------------
I am taken to meet my lieutenant, a tall and skinny man in his thirties who appears to have had too much caffeine. He introduces himself to me as Alex Andrews; I calmly hold out my hand and say, "My name is Sam," plain and simple.
-------------------
Enrolling in my University, I am invited into the Leadership program.
"What can you bring to this program?"
"A desire to help people."
"How do you plan to help people?"
"I'm not sure yet, but I know that I will."
-------------------
I'm five years old, and my mom and I find a dead bird as she walks me to my first-grade class room. I cry when I realize there's nothing I can do to save it.
"But what about its mommy and its daddy and its friends," I ask my mom with tears spilling out of my big brown eyes. I'm only five, but I know that she doesn't have the answers.
"Do you want to have a funeral for it?"
"No, I want it to be alive!"
"Well honey, there's nothing we can do for it now." I sniffle and wipe my nose with my sleeve.
"I want to have a funeral for it."
And after we bury it in the ground behind the playground, I put a flower on top of it and say, "I didn't know you, but I'm sure you were a good bird. I hope you have fun in bird heaven, and I promise that I won't let any other birdies die if I can help it."
When I return to class, I draw in my journal. There's a dead bird in the ground, but next to it is me in my new bird hospital. There are birds all around, and they're thanking me for saving their lives.
-------------------
I'm going to be a firefighter/paramedic.
4.27.2008
Six Random Things
Tagged by Tori!
Rules of the game:
- Link to the person who tagged you.
- Post these rules on your blog.
- Write six random things about yourself.
- Tag six random people by linking to their blogs.
- Let each of the six know they’ve been tagged by leaving them a comment (on their blogs).
- Let your tagger know when your entry is up.
So, I'm going to do mine with pictures, because I think text-only might be boring.
1. I'm a redskins fan, and Chris Cooley is my man.
2. I have a hamster named Trevor who is probably the cutest thing ever.
3. I'm a brother of Alpha Phi Omega, a co-ed service fraternity.
4. I'm a Gold Award Girl Scout.
5. I used to be an actress.
6. I have an adorable sphinx cat.
Whew, that was harder than expected! Tagging Anni (consider yourself to be tagged on basically everything), Chris, Guitar Girl, FarmGirl, EE, and you, dear reader (if you have a blog). Leave me a comment with the link to your post so I can check it out, if you do decide to do it!
Yours,
Sam
p.s.--I'll be bringing you a substantial post as a reply to one prompt I got from my "plea for prompts".
Rules of the game:
- Link to the person who tagged you.
- Post these rules on your blog.
- Write six random things about yourself.
- Tag six random people by linking to their blogs.
- Let each of the six know they’ve been tagged by leaving them a comment (on their blogs).
- Let your tagger know when your entry is up.
So, I'm going to do mine with pictures, because I think text-only might be boring.
1. I'm a redskins fan, and Chris Cooley is my man.
2. I have a hamster named Trevor who is probably the cutest thing ever.
3. I'm a brother of Alpha Phi Omega, a co-ed service fraternity.
4. I'm a Gold Award Girl Scout.
5. I used to be an actress.
6. I have an adorable sphinx cat.
Whew, that was harder than expected! Tagging Anni (consider yourself to be tagged on basically everything), Chris, Guitar Girl, FarmGirl, EE, and you, dear reader (if you have a blog). Leave me a comment with the link to your post so I can check it out, if you do decide to do it!
Yours,
Sam
p.s.--I'll be bringing you a substantial post as a reply to one prompt I got from my "plea for prompts".
4.24.2008
Remember To Breathe
Tracy asked me for some tips on staying calm during the state EMT test in my plea for prompts. Well, I'm no expert, but here's what's always worked for me, and the stuff my mom taught me. Thanks Tracy!
My mom never let me go to a test hungry. Every time I had a test, a quiz or an important presentation, I was always to have a good breakfast that morning. Mind you, I said a good breakfast. No pop-tarts, sugary cereals or donuts. I got toast, scrambled eggs, bacon and orange juice. My mom always said "how can you expect your brain to work if you don't give it some protein!?" She was so right. I always saw myself doing better when I ate a good meal than when I didn't. To this day, I make sure that I get some protein before something nerve-racking. (She'll be glad to know that before my job interview, I even made myself some eggs) So that's my first piece of advice.
Secondly, always remember to breathe. I find that in stressful situations, I often literally forget to breathe, holding my breath until my lungs scream for air. My pulse shoots up, my anxiety rises, and I'm freaking out again, breathing less and repeating the cycle.
The people at the test cite are just that--people. You make a mistake? It's alright, it's just a test. The evaluators aren't out to get you. In fact, they usually want to help you--they're nice people who were once in your shoes, scared to death of their proctors. Be polite, and show them that you know your stuff. They know you're scared, so don't worry about showing your nerves.
If you fail, it's not the end of the world. Lots of people have failed lots of times.
“The greatest barrier to success is the fear of failure.”
--Sven Goran
Even if you fail, you can try again. Try, try again. Etc., etc., triteness, cliche. You get the point. Just try to remember that failure isn't the end.
As far as remembering things goes, this is the only advice I have. When you get the scenario, take a deep breath, and think of it all laid out in front of you. You always do what in trauma (as far as the state test goes)? Everything goes back to what (airway)? Is this a load-and-go? Should you consider calling for ALS?
After you've covered your every-situation bases, consider how the context of this scenario changes things.
Are the vitals stable? Are they improving? Does the patient have medication? Is that medication in date? You get the idea.
There are some things that are going to apply to every situation, and some that aren't. By this point, you know how to asses the situation. Refer back to an earlier point (remember to breathe), and just take your time.
Tracy, let me know how your state test goes! I'm sure you'll do great--it's just a re-cert. Man, now I'm all pumped for my Religion final in a week and a half.
Early Judaism--Okay, so...
--Sam
My mom never let me go to a test hungry. Every time I had a test, a quiz or an important presentation, I was always to have a good breakfast that morning. Mind you, I said a good breakfast. No pop-tarts, sugary cereals or donuts. I got toast, scrambled eggs, bacon and orange juice. My mom always said "how can you expect your brain to work if you don't give it some protein!?" She was so right. I always saw myself doing better when I ate a good meal than when I didn't. To this day, I make sure that I get some protein before something nerve-racking. (She'll be glad to know that before my job interview, I even made myself some eggs) So that's my first piece of advice.
Secondly, always remember to breathe. I find that in stressful situations, I often literally forget to breathe, holding my breath until my lungs scream for air. My pulse shoots up, my anxiety rises, and I'm freaking out again, breathing less and repeating the cycle.
The people at the test cite are just that--people. You make a mistake? It's alright, it's just a test. The evaluators aren't out to get you. In fact, they usually want to help you--they're nice people who were once in your shoes, scared to death of their proctors. Be polite, and show them that you know your stuff. They know you're scared, so don't worry about showing your nerves.
If you fail, it's not the end of the world. Lots of people have failed lots of times.
“The greatest barrier to success is the fear of failure.”
--Sven Goran
Even if you fail, you can try again. Try, try again. Etc., etc., triteness, cliche. You get the point. Just try to remember that failure isn't the end.
As far as remembering things goes, this is the only advice I have. When you get the scenario, take a deep breath, and think of it all laid out in front of you. You always do what in trauma (as far as the state test goes)? Everything goes back to what (airway)? Is this a load-and-go? Should you consider calling for ALS?
After you've covered your every-situation bases, consider how the context of this scenario changes things.
Are the vitals stable? Are they improving? Does the patient have medication? Is that medication in date? You get the idea.
There are some things that are going to apply to every situation, and some that aren't. By this point, you know how to asses the situation. Refer back to an earlier point (remember to breathe), and just take your time.
Tracy, let me know how your state test goes! I'm sure you'll do great--it's just a re-cert. Man, now I'm all pumped for my Religion final in a week and a half.
Early Judaism--Okay, so...
--Sam
4.23.2008
Thank You Again
David was kind enough to consider me for another post of a day. If he keeps this up, it's going to go straight to my head, I swear! There are some really great posts up there, including one by one of my most favorite bloggers, Epi. Really great batch of posts :) Thanks again, David.
Drew, Eric and I are staying on shift tonight, so I'm expecting something to happen. Eric's picking up a batch of slice-n-bizzles on the way here from his paramedic class. I can't wait--I'm sure it'll be a great way to relieve exam-time stress!
By the way, I just saw a little girl on a commercial who said "I am a princess, and princesses don't get sick." That broke my heart. Oh how I wish it were true.
Stay Safe,
Sam
Drew, Eric and I are staying on shift tonight, so I'm expecting something to happen. Eric's picking up a batch of slice-n-bizzles on the way here from his paramedic class. I can't wait--I'm sure it'll be a great way to relieve exam-time stress!
By the way, I just saw a little girl on a commercial who said "I am a princess, and princesses don't get sick." That broke my heart. Oh how I wish it were true.
Stay Safe,
Sam
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